I hope his father one days realizes what he has done and feels horrible about what he has done. What a Poor Excuse for a Father! Stories like this break my heart!
Stop intolerating the Dad's intolerance! For people who claim to be so tolerant, you sure are intolerant. This is a freedom of religion issue! The dad's freedom to live in a world without gay people is under attack!
I knew someone who went through a similar ordeal. Both his parents disowned him.Then they got older.The other two kids moved away and they needed help getting around.Their 'gay son' and his partner ended up taking care of them.The father died and the mother ended up in a nursing home.She was proud when her other two kids visited but til the very end she was embarrassed over her gay son. She often introduced her son's partner as his "room mate".
I thought of him while reading this.I have no patience when I witness this kind of hate.
Clearly, this gay person attacked his father's first amendment rights. Having a response to that letter means the gay person does not believe his father is entitled to an opinion.
SNAFU i hear you but it's still hard to believe that a parent doesn't have unconditional love for his child. To disown your child based on ignorance. My heart goes out to your friends and anyone else who has ever received such a letter. omg.
As a father of two boys who I love more than life itself, it is impossible for me to understand how a man could do this. If one of my sons were to tell me they were gay I would just hug them and thank them for being honest with me. They know me well enough to know that nothing that trivial could ever come between us. I feel sorry for that son and even sorrier for that father --it sounds like he is losing out on a terrific son.
That letter reads to me as being a manipulative piece of emotional blackmail from a father who finds he can no longer exercise his own will over his son. I don't think he's even thought through the long-term consequences of his action. It is a piece of pure selfishness on the father's part and has nothing to do with the God he invokes.
I saw this on another site discussing the same letter:
"I had a letter from my Dad some 22 years ago which was warning me about being gay and how he'd not be able to stay in touch if I didn't change and so on. It wasn't pleasant reading.
BUT
fast forward to now and me and my parents are increasingly close.
What's changed is their own frailty and need of me and also another key fact is that I long ago decided that I didn't need their approval for my life. I live my life how I want and that is not up for discussion or debate but I am there for my parents and increasingly taking care of them. This actually feels quite adult ironically enough.
Another irony is that if I mentioned the letter to my Dad now he'd disown it as saying that he'd never have written such a thing as he has severe memory problems. He still disagrees with my gayness but I know he loves me anyway. Ditto my Mum.
Life is beyond complex. I had a friend who's parents had several gay friends, loved all of his gay friends, and actively campaigned for equal rights. However, he was still terrified to come out to them, and when he did it wasn't the glowing, warm family scene of perfect love and acceptance you would expect. Not that it was to the extreme of speaking of disowning and never speaking again, but it was certainly rough for a bit there, and I personally can't blame a parent for being thrown and taking some time to adjust to news that big. As his mother said later, even though she suspected, hearing it said out loud still throws you into shock, no matter how much you want to tell yourself otherwise. Like I said, neither she nor his father ever argued with him about it being wrong, a sin, or any of those other things, but it changed things nonetheless.
I did the same, Reg. I like to think it is the more common reaction these days.
The kind of forethought shown in that letter wasn't likely when I grew up, but I was one of the lucky ones. My parents were baffled and saddened when I revealed my sexuality to them, but accepted it with grace - and this was the deep south in the '70's. It wasn't easy for them, but what was first in their hearts was that I was their child, and they loved me. Not a day goes by that I don't give thanks for them. I will never forget how blessed I am.
My heart goes out to those whose parents are less - well, just less.
"You and I are going to revisit that talk we had about safe sex. I know it's going to be awkward for both of us, but it is important. I need to do some research first, so let's give it a few weeks. If you have questions or concerns before then, let me know."
Just point your son in the right direction and let him do the research. He's going to do it anyway, he'll be able to do it better than you and it's going to save that awkwardness you refer to. By all means check up later that he has done it but don't do it for him.
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joined:3/6/05
Posted: 8/7/12 at 12:23pm